Meeting the client in the toilet

This is a bastard of a meeting.  Whatever you do resist any temptation to wink, even as a reflex gesture that tries to make both of you comfortable.  That’s the last thing a wink will do.  Everything goes into slow motion, as you square off like gun slingers, agonizing over whether to throw out your hand… “I mean the bastard looks hygienic enough”…. But hey you never know?….

The ancient form of the business kiss hello.  Too strong and you’re an overbearing arsehole, too soft and “I ll enjoy kicking your arse’.  Got to get strength juuust right.  Now they are not a punch, so don’t throw  them from the nose bleeds, its looks too showy and you might hurt someone.  Not too close, it looks like your telling lies or alternately you might give the impression you are on the turn and this it. 

Biggie RIP

1.0 Greetings in Business

You are not a rap artist so don’t give anyone the “head nod” backwards. If you are a rap artist and you are reading this then quite frankly you guys have it made, and all the guys working in an office, want to be you.

A introductory meeting between two teams could be greeted like this: Try and spread out if there are several of you meeting a client for example. Quite often their team walks in single file passed your team single file, and it looks like the parents of bride greeting their guests. This feels awkward and looks worse, so try to give people room.

Remember men this is not football, so don’t move quickly towards them, your clients will think you’re odd if you pull up to close to them and give them a close shake. Be even paced about everything, your walk, your tone and the all important shake. Get it just right especially with women – you are not trying to disarm a nuclear war head, you want it firm and confident, like your proud member – just don’t use your proud member to shake with.

Of course culturally there are major differences, so do your homework and this critical protocol of business can be passed through smoothly so you can move onto something that can really kill your career….seating arrangements!

It’s been terribly inspiring having Lady Trouse around. She’s such a wonderful asset especially to dictate my profound literature and poetry into the digital world.

I must say for a gentleman like myself, I would not accept anything but the best in a woman, so to acquire such a good breed – Psst, I’m beyond chuffed. You see, once upon a time, in a land far away, Lord Trouser, affectionately known as Lord T, was mysteriously gossiped about. Mainly because I invented the G-string, (you can all thank me later) yet more for my affairs with Hollywood starlets like Sophia Loren and Greta. Now that comment has certainly exposed my age, but it hasn’t exposed my most valued organ. Oh yes, we’re talking about the slug you must keep snug. See that’s the beauty secret for men, to which I am yet to expose through this blog. I rather like the word ‘blog’, but my favourite word is definitely – Trouser. Say it slowly…say it like a ‘pant’s whisperer’.